Elder Abuse and Neglect - the human face
Read older people's stories - how they came to experience elder abuse, and how they overcame it with Age Concern's help.
Psychological and Financial Abuse - Mr E's story
Psychological Abuse - Mrs Jones's story
Financial Abuse - Mrs Murphy's story
Physical and Financial Abuse - Mrs T's story
* All names are disguised and some details changed / amalgamated to protect clients and their families.
Mr E's story
Mr E* is 77 and lives in his own home, with a separate unit downstairs.
His 38-year-old grandson Michael does shift work and when he is on night duty, he stays in the downstairs unit. Michael has invited a friend to live in the unit without his grandfather’s consent. Mr E pays the electricity bill for both units without contribution from Michael or his girlfriend. Michael does sometimes help his grandfather with shopping and other small chores, although does this begrudgingly, telling him “You’re useless. No-one needs you. Why don’t you do the world a favour – don’t wake up tomorrow.”
Mr E contacted the Age Concern Elder Abuse and Neglect Coordinator feeling extremely distressed and frightened. He had told Michael that he didn’t want him there and ended up with both of them yelling at him, telling him he was a “selfish old B****” and threatening to break the windows. Mr E doesn’t have a lot of money and relies on NZ Super to cover hisexpenses. He cannot afford to pay the higher electricity bills that have been coming in since Michael’s friend arrived.
Mr E admits to the Coordinator that he does get a bit forgetful and confused at times, and that he doesn’t have many friends or other family members he can turn to for support. He has a few health problems and sometimes finds it hard to get out and about.
Putting it right
The Coordinator talks to Mr E about rights and together they go to the local community law centre for advice on how to evict Michael’s friend.
The Coordinator facilitates a meeting between Mr E and Michael which results in Michael agreeing to ask his friend to leave, and to paying his grandfather board whenever he stays after night shift. With encouragement from the EANP Coordinator, Mr E starts going to the local seniors' centre, transported by an Age Concern mini-bus service.
If you need help for a situation like this, contact your nearest elder abuse and neglect prevention service
> LINK TO OUR EANP CONTACTS PAGE
Psychological Abuse – Mrs Jones' Story
Mrs Jones is 77, lives at home with her stepson, a sickness beneficiary due to mental health issues.
Three months ago she had a fall which broke her hip. Hospital staff queried her fall because she had a lot of old bruising on her arms and torso. Although she meets the criteria for rest home-level care, Mrs Jones insisted on going home. She now has home help with personal cares twice a week.
Mrs Jones is estranged from her grandchildren because her daughter can’t accept her mother continually providing shelter for her stepbrother after he has repeatedly abused this trust, hit her and stolen from her. Her daughter holds EPA for her mother and has been threatening to have her declared mentally incompetent so she can be put in a rest home, something the daughter thinks would be ‘for the best’.
People like Mrs Jones face many barriers to seeking help. She feels ashamed that her stepson behaves as he does but knows his mental health issues affect him and doesn’t want to make it worse for him. Mrs Jones loves her daughter and wishes she understood more. She really regrets not being able to see her grandchildren. Her friends don’t visit because of her stepson and she feels isolated and alone. She is very fearful that her daughter could indeed have her moved to residential care. She doesn’t know what to do and is afraid to ask for help for fear of the consequences for both herself and her stepson.
Putting it right
Mrs Jones sees a poster in her local library – Older people have the right to make their own decisions. Speak out if you think your rights are not respected. She thinks to herself: “So I do have the right to stay home if I want to, that's my decision. Maybe these people at Age Concern can put my daughter straight on that”. She phones the number from the poster.
The Age Concern Coordinator visits Mrs Jones at home when her stepson is out. They discuss her current situation and Mrs Jones tells the Coordinator she wants to stay at home, she wants her stepson to get more help with his own health issues, she wants to see her grandchildren again, and she wants her daughter to mind her own business! Together they discuss how Mrs Jones may be able to achieve all the things she wants.
The Coordinator assists by contacting the mental health team and arranging an assessment of the stepson's situation. She sits in with Mrs Jones at a meeting with her daughter, giving them both information about the processes for activating an EPA (so Mrs Jones cannot be threatened by her daughter any more). The Coordinator helps Mrs Jones express her grief about not seeing her grandchildren anymore. They agree to trial a visit at the local playground and 'see how it goes'. Mrs Jones has also been encouraged by the Coordinator to phone one of her old friends for a 'catch-up'. They now chat on the phone every few days, and are even talking about going to housie together again.
If you need help for a situation like this, contact your nearest elder abuse and neglect prevention service
> LINK TO OUR EANP CONTACTS PAGE
Financial Abuse – Mrs Murphy's Story
Mrs Murphy is 75. Five years ago she gave her daughter-in-law Jane her credit card to purchase the new fridge they had chosen together. However, as well as buying the fridge, Jane ran up a debt of $6,500 gambling.
Mrs Murphy confronted her daughter-in-law about the debt and Jane was apologetic and agreed to pay it back, as fast as she could. Eager to keep up appearances within the family, they agreed to keep these transactions “their little secret”.
About a year ago, Jane took Mrs Murphy’s eftpos card without her knowing. She withdrew thousands of dollars, again using it for gambling.
Mrs Murphy asked Jane to post cheques she had written to pay her bills but, knowing these cheques would now bounce, Jane destroyed them. The first Mrs Murphy knew about this was when she got warning notices from the power and phone companies. It was at this point that Mrs Murphy decided to talk to Age Concern.
When it became evident that Jane had no intention of paying the money back, the Police became involved. However, it took some time to gather the necessary evidence and bring the case to Court. Mrs Murphy found this time-lag very distressing, particularly as her son sided with his wife, Jane.
Putting it right
Age Concern staff provided weekly support to Mrs Murphy, and connected her up with another person in the community who had a similar experience. Mrs Murphy said she found this friendship with someone who really understood what she was going through was a ‘life saver’.
If you need help for a situation like this, contact your nearest elder abuse and neglect prevention service
> LINK TO OUR EANP CONTACTS PAGE
Physical and Financial Abuse – Mrs T's Story
Mrs T. (79) is housebound due to health and mobility problems. She is dependent on her daughter Sarah for shopping and any other errands.
Due to her daughter’s mismanagement of her finances, Mrs T is now in considerable debt. She is under threat of power and telephone disconnection, doesn’t have enough money to cover her weekly medication costs, and her health is rapidly going downhill.
Sarah has a history of physical abuse toward her mother. Her mood swings and intimidation tactics have made her mother very fearful of her. Mrs T is aware she doesn’t have the strength she once had and is feeling increasingly afraid of being home alone with Sarah.
Neighbours regularly hear shouting and bad language coming from Mrs T's house. One night it is particularly bad. Inspired by the ads on TV, a neighbour calls the Police. The Police find Mrs T on the floor, her head bleeding. After some investigation, they issue a Police Safety Order, removing Sarah from the house. Age Concern receives notice of this event from Police the next day and immediately contact Mrs T offering their support.
Putting it right
Mrs T is afraid and ashamed, but also a little relieved. She hadn't realised how tense she had become around her daughter. She is very worried about what will happen now the Police have taken her daughter away. Who will do her shopping and pay her bills? What will happen to Sarah? What will Sarah do to her when she's allowed to come back?
Age Concern talks to Mrs T about other organisations that might be able to help. Together they contact Women's Refuge – not to go to a Refuge, but to talk to the people there and learn a little more about what can be done to help her, and to help her daughter.
The Refuge Advocate and Age Concern Coordinator work together with Mrs T to sort out all the issues she is facing and find a way through them. A meeting is held to which Mrs T invites her son and his family, her neighbour and her pastor – people who are important to her. Sarah is also included in the meeting, as is the Refuge Advocate, Age Concern and a community social worker from the District Health Board. They jointly agree a plan for ensuring Mrs T is able to live safely at home. Unfortunately Sarah is not yet prepared to change her violent behaviour and so Mrs T decides to apply for a protection order, hoping that if Sarah is forced to attend a stopping violence programme, one day they will be able to be a 'proper' family again.
If you need help for a situation like this, contact your nearest elder abuse and neglect prevention service
> LINK TO OUR EANP CONTACTS PAGE
To contact Women’s Refuge phone 0800 REFUGE (0800 733 843)
Neglect - Mrs C's story
The social worker at the centre noticed that Mrs C. became very quiet and not interested in joining activities she had previously enjoyed. She mentioned these changes to Mrs C.’s daughter-in-law and was surprised at her defensive responses and comments that the social worker “should try and live with her”.
Mrs C. stopped attending the resource centre after this and the social worker decided to visit her at home. She was met by the daughter-in-law who said Mrs C. was asleep and that she did not want to go to the resource centre any more. She again seemed defensive and avoided eye contact.
The social worker visited the home again and found Mrs C. on her own. She seemed reluctant to let her in but with gentle encouragement said that her daughter-in-law wanted her to go into a rest home because of the extra work she made for her. She was trying to be less of a burden by staying at home so that her daughter-in-law did not have to run her around. She appeared depressed and fearful and begged the social worker not to tell her daughter-in-law what she had said.
An Age Concern Elder Abuse and Neglect Prevention Service Coordinator helped facilitate a conference. Mrs C. and her daughter-in-law were able to speak frankly with each other and the social workers about their fears and stresses and develop a plan to re-integrate Mrs C. with the community and provide home support services to relieve her daughter-in-law of some of the practical tasks.
If you need help for a situation like this, contact your nearest elder abuse and neglect prevention service
> LINK TO OUR EANP CONTACTS PAGE
Neglect – Mrs P.'s Story
Mrs P. is 82 and lives with her son, David, her primary caregiver. Mrs P. had a stroke a few years ago which left her with some difficulty communicating and mobility issues. She has limited social contacts and feels very lonely.
David is 58, works in a low-paid and unsatisfying job and has few friends or social contacts. He has been dependent on his mother for money and housing for most of his adult life.
Mrs P.'s ability to function on a day-to-day basis has become so compromised by her disability that full-time care in a residential care facility has been recommended. David however, is refusing to allow this to happen even though he is neither willing nor able to provide care to meet his mother's needs. He shows little regard for his mother. As the sole beneficiary of her will, he wants to keep her at home rather than erode his inheritance by paying rest home fees.
Mrs P. is referred to the Age Concern Elder Abuse and Neglect Prevention Service by the home support service. The Coordinator talked with Mrs P. and, with her permission, her G.P. and the needs assessment agency. After some discussion and negotiation with David, Mrs P. has been admitted into full-time residential care. Her health has stabilised and she is feeling much happier in the rest home. David visits once a week, is grumpy about the situation and unpleasant to the staff, but has accepted his mother's need for care.
If you need help for a situation like this, contact your nearest elder abuse and neglect prevention service
> LINK TO OUR EANP CONTACTS PAGE